Reflecting on my final pregnancy

It's amazing what pregnancy does. I am so incredibly happy and grateful every day for all I have. I cherish feeling her move and the changes in my body since I know this is my last pregnancy. It is bittersweet. I spend a lot of time laying down at night just feeling her move and focusing on the totally amazing little movements. And if she isn't moving enough for my liking, we start a game of poke and return fire. She really gets annoyed with that little game. There are other things she doesn't like...spicy food, riding horses, making stairs. She is more opinionated than the others and I am already so in love with her.

We were watching Ethan's soccer game this morning and Jason was sitting on my lap and being so incredibly lovable. Normally he wipes off my kisses or I have to beg for hugs. Today was different. He then announces that he wants to feel the baby move. We had been doing that at night sometimes so they could understand what was going on with Mommy. Well, she wasn't really very active that early in the morning, before my coffee and in the cool fall weather. So I told him to talk to her instead since she could hear him. He bent his head close to my stomach and proceeded to say hi to the baby and tell her "Well, yes, I love you too." Apparently she was talking back.

I love how the boys ask me every day how the baby is doing and if she is moving and growing, ready to come out etc. Ethan snuggles with me on the sofa in the evenings and rubs my belly like he is stroking his little sister. Today he told us that when the baby wakes up crying in the night, he is going to go in and rub her back and tell her everything is okay. You know...with a big brother like that, I know it will be and so will she.

For me, the best parts are these exchanges and when I get a chance to lie quietly and close my eyes...focusing on nothing but her movement. I can play the poke and kick game for hours. It is like affirmation she is there and knows I am wholly and completely enamored with her as I continually validate she is healthy and still a reality. I love the ripples across my pregnant body when she moves...the tight spot that might be a hand or a foot, an elbow or a knee. The awe when she can lean on my bladder and send me scurrying for the bathroom. I love all the changes in my body and the different milestones of pregnancy. I'm going to miss this and try to just hold on to every moment, every feeling, every nuance. I try to put it into words so I can go back years from now and remember even though I know words fail me. For today though, I am completely and totally happy, satisfied and blessed.

And both her brothers scored goals in their games today. Ethan also had some awesome defensive saves and Jason had 2 assists. Juliet was proud.