A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend who also had a baby around the same time. She was saying how much she enjoyed taking a bath with Sophia and how much fun her baby had and what a great bonding experience it was. Fast forward a week and My mom mentioned that I should take a bath with Juliet. Well, I nodded agreeing it was a great idea and filed it away with all the other things I would love to do if I ever had a moment to my myself without laundry piling up, vacuuming to do, dinner to make, folders and lunch to pack, stories to read etc. I can never find time to pee alone and have only used my tub twice since moving in. This went on the back burner. Today it popped to the front.
We spent the entire morning with the boys at their soccer games. We had such fun seeing all our friends from fall soccer and the boys got to see the Shorten sisters (their future wives). Gabriella had one of those folder paper games where you pick a color and number and keep opening and closing your fingers and finally read a message. She told Jason he was going to have a million kids. When she did it again, it told him he would be rich. We came home and ate a nice lunch on the porch and played in the yard. As we were having our meal conversation (so incredibly important since it is the only time we are all together and seated quietly), Jason recounted his time with Gabriella and her messages. I then laughed and told Jeff how her Dad told her to stop following boys around....even if they are 3. I then went on to say I was happy he was going to marry her and have children. Ethan piped in that he wasn't going to have any children. Apparently he wants peace and quiet. I couldn't stop laughing given all the grief and noise he generates in our house. Pf course when I tuck him in at night, his sweet face and beautiful freckles are all that matter. But a little peace and quiet would not be turned down if offered.
After dinner, I went to give Juliet her bath and realized, Jeff had the boys covered playing games on my computer, and it wouldn't really take that much longer if we went into my bathroom and I joined her. So I did and it was amazing. Her bright blue eyes were fixated on me as I floated her around the tub. She smiled and was so relaxed, tilted her head back into the water and moved her legs. All the while there was no noise, no television, no computer, nothing. Just her and me and direct eye contact, soft baby bubble bath and skin on skin. After I got her dressed and nursed her, she fell fast asleep and I felt full.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
St. Patrick's Day
Just a quick post to write in the permanent record book that I cooked a traditional Irish meal for St. Patrick's Day. A day late but I pulled out all the stops..Irish soda bread, corned beef and cabbage, potatoes, green beans, and sliced pineapple. Okay, well the pineapple might be a stretch but E is learning about how colored foods are good for you and where they fit in with the entire food pyramid. I needed some color and a fruit and was sure he wouldn't count the raisins in the soda bread. I wanted to spoil my Mom a little for all she does for Juliet and I (and the entire family) all week and thought it would be nice to all have dinner together. I even broke open the dining room and had an adult beverage. Oh yeah! Grandma would be proud. I still miss her and hope she knows about Juliet and Jason and shines down on them. Of course this leads to the entire life after death discussion and my incredible deep fear of dying and finding there is nothing and I just disappear. From people's lives and memories and with all of my life meaning nothing and all my worldly possessions left with nobody to care for all the memories I so carefully preserve....and I am just not ready to go there tonight.
I think I am just feeling drained. My day drained me. The weeks seem to sap me. I had to do the barn this morning, get the kids off, take care of Juliet, attend a meeting, volunteer at E's school, have lunch with E, take a conerence call in the car, hit the bank and grocery store for soccer snacks and dinner items, mail the check for the summer beach house, do laundry, clean house, take 2 more calls, get some real work done, meet the vet, bake bread, cook dinner, give baths, empty school bags, and more. Then when my brain couldn't take anymore and my body was weary from rushing from one thing to the next without a breath, I had to pack the car for soccer the next morning and prepare snacks for 30 kids since I signed up to be team mom for both boys. Yes, this is because I don't have enough to do in my life and needed something to get me off the sofa. PLEEEEASE! I think it is more out of guilt for being gone so much, occupied, tired, short tempered. I hope it works. If that doesn't, I gave up yelling at my kids for lent. There might be hope if they gave up ignoring me.
One of my new employees told me he is going to find me on a therapists couch one of these days. He has known me all of 24 hours and yet recognizes that 3 kids, a full time job, volunteer work and horses is too much for one woman. Add in a puppy and burning desire to chronicle my life at every juncture, and I am just perpetually sapped. Or is it a sap. I forget. Either way, say a prayer for me and my sanity.
I think I am just feeling drained. My day drained me. The weeks seem to sap me. I had to do the barn this morning, get the kids off, take care of Juliet, attend a meeting, volunteer at E's school, have lunch with E, take a conerence call in the car, hit the bank and grocery store for soccer snacks and dinner items, mail the check for the summer beach house, do laundry, clean house, take 2 more calls, get some real work done, meet the vet, bake bread, cook dinner, give baths, empty school bags, and more. Then when my brain couldn't take anymore and my body was weary from rushing from one thing to the next without a breath, I had to pack the car for soccer the next morning and prepare snacks for 30 kids since I signed up to be team mom for both boys. Yes, this is because I don't have enough to do in my life and needed something to get me off the sofa. PLEEEEASE! I think it is more out of guilt for being gone so much, occupied, tired, short tempered. I hope it works. If that doesn't, I gave up yelling at my kids for lent. There might be hope if they gave up ignoring me.
One of my new employees told me he is going to find me on a therapists couch one of these days. He has known me all of 24 hours and yet recognizes that 3 kids, a full time job, volunteer work and horses is too much for one woman. Add in a puppy and burning desire to chronicle my life at every juncture, and I am just perpetually sapped. Or is it a sap. I forget. Either way, say a prayer for me and my sanity.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Juliet's Christening
Yesterday was my little girl's special day and I did everything I could to ensure it was amazing. It started with designing the invitations, preparing the guest list and worrying myself crazy over ensuring she had family there given the events of the last few years. It struck me as so sad that my grandparents weren't here and that Jeff's Mom not only couldn't be here, but probably didn't even know Juliet existed half the time. Alzheimer's is a horrid disease.
The weather cooperated and it was a gorgeous spring day with the fruit trees all blooming and the grass just starting to green up. The boys and I had planted spring flowers and Jeff and I prepped the yard and setup the house. I had Irregardless Cafe cater an amazing brunch of all our favorite things: shrimp and grits, french toast, crepes, egg fritata, breakfast potatoes, pastries and more.
We had plenty of family with Mom and Dad, the Zanchellis and Aunt Susan. Some of the best parts of the day included the early morning hours when it was just my daughter and I prepping for the day...staring into her eyes and kissing her full cheeks. And of course there were the Godparents, Terri and Michael. I am so honored to have them in our lives and standing up here with Jeff and I for our child. Danielle and the girls came all the way from NY and that means so much to us all. The boys love them dearly and they are the only cousins they have and know. Ethan writes cards to them and both boys talk about them all the time. Our new friends from StMM were nice enough to fore go the boys first soccer practice and come to share in our day. Rob and Joanne and their boys are part of our spiritual family and with the boys so close in age (not to mention the love letters Ethan and Brendan write in kindergarten), there is always fun to be had. Topping off the crew was my Godson, Justin and dear friends Claudia, Tracey and Christina.
What amazed me most was how well all the kids got along, how much fun they had and how the house was still clean and in one piece when everyone left. My only sadness in the day was that my sister was not able to be here. However, having her be there at Juliet's birth was so amazing and I am not sure I would have been as confident that first week with her care without Jean here with me at night when the doubts and struggles with feeding my baby descended upon me. Jean's gift of support at that difficult time for me gave Juliet and I the foundation for successful breastfeeding. I had to choose given how far away Jean is and in my heart I know I made the right one. She will always be a moral and spiritual guide to my child just as I know Terri will be. To me, I am the most fortunate person in the world to have such special people looking out for my children.
The ceremony itself was lovely with Juliet wearing the same baptism gown my sister and I wore oh so many years ago. My mother cherished and preserved the hand crafted three layer gown and coat so that even the lace work was still white. She had a beautifully intricate bonnet as well and she just glowed. I still can't believe I managed to get us all out of the house on time. It is amazing the chaos that ensues trying to get the boys ready, time Juliet's breastfeeding, get myself looking normal and not smelling of spit up, and herd us all into the car. Of course with all my successes there were also failures. I didn't get half the pictures I wanted but I guess the fact everyone behaved and nothing embarrassing happened at the chapel, I should simply be relieved.
The weather cooperated and it was a gorgeous spring day with the fruit trees all blooming and the grass just starting to green up. The boys and I had planted spring flowers and Jeff and I prepped the yard and setup the house. I had Irregardless Cafe cater an amazing brunch of all our favorite things: shrimp and grits, french toast, crepes, egg fritata, breakfast potatoes, pastries and more. We had plenty of family with Mom and Dad, the Zanchellis and Aunt Susan. Some of the best parts of the day included the early morning hours when it was just my daughter and I prepping for the day...staring into her eyes and kissing her full cheeks. And of course there were the Godparents, Terri and Michael. I am so honored to have them in our lives and standing up here with Jeff and I for our child. Danielle and the girls came all the way from NY and that means so much to us all. The boys love them dearly and they are the only cousins they have and know. Ethan writes cards to them and both boys talk about them all the time. Our new friends from StMM were nice enough to fore go the boys first soccer practice and come to share in our day. Rob and Joanne and their boys are part of our spiritual family and with the boys so close in age (not to mention the love letters Ethan and Brendan write in kindergarten), there is always fun to be had. Topping off the crew was my Godson, Justin and dear friends Claudia, Tracey and Christina.
What amazed me most was how well all the kids got along, how much fun they had and how the house was still clean and in one piece when everyone left. My only sadness in the day was that my sister was not able to be here. However, having her be there at Juliet's birth was so amazing and I am not sure I would have been as confident that first week with her care without Jean here with me at night when the doubts and struggles with feeding my baby descended upon me. Jean's gift of support at that difficult time for me gave Juliet and I the foundation for successful breastfeeding. I had to choose given how far away Jean is and in my heart I know I made the right one. She will always be a moral and spiritual guide to my child just as I know Terri will be. To me, I am the most fortunate person in the world to have such special people looking out for my children.
Mom and Dad bought the cake and it was an amazing Boston creme from the bakery in Apex...highly recommend her. Then it came time for presents. All of these people had already done so much and they were here doing even more. Joanne bought the most lovely jacket for my baby, Tracey got her a frame engraved with her name and the date and a friend of Mom's sent a cross for her wall...to protect her and keep her always safe. Terri bought her a baby cross to wear and an engraved box that had such a special inscription. Michael bought her a gorgeous engraved pewter cup and plate and my Aunt and Uncle gave her a gift of love....the cross my own Grandmother wore and a note describing its meaning. There was not a dry eye in the living room.
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