St. Patrick's Day

Just a quick post to write in the permanent record book that I cooked a traditional Irish meal for St. Patrick's Day.  A day late but I pulled out all the stops..Irish soda bread, corned beef and cabbage, potatoes, green beans, and sliced pineapple.  Okay, well the pineapple might be a stretch but E is learning about how colored foods are good for you and where they fit in with the entire food pyramid.  I needed some color and a fruit and was sure he wouldn't count the raisins in the soda bread.  I wanted to spoil my Mom a little for all she does for Juliet and I (and the entire family) all week and thought it would be nice to all have dinner together.  I even broke open the dining room and had an adult beverage.  Oh yeah!  Grandma would be proud.  I still miss her and hope she knows about Juliet and Jason and shines down on them.  Of course this leads to the entire life after death discussion and my incredible deep fear of dying and finding there is nothing and I just disappear.  From people's lives and memories and with all of my life meaning nothing and all my worldly possessions left with nobody to care for all the memories I so carefully preserve....and I am just not ready to go there tonight.

I think I am just feeling drained.  My day drained me.  The weeks seem to sap me.  I had to do the barn this morning, get the kids off, take care of Juliet, attend a meeting, volunteer at E's school, have lunch with E, take a conerence call in the car, hit the bank and grocery store for soccer snacks and dinner items, mail the check for the summer beach house, do laundry, clean house, take 2 more calls, get some real work done, meet the vet, bake bread, cook dinner, give baths, empty school bags, and more.  Then when my brain couldn't take anymore and my body was weary from rushing from one thing to the next without a breath, I had to pack the car for soccer the next morning and prepare snacks for 30 kids since I signed up to be team mom for both boys.  Yes, this is because I don't have enough to do in my life and needed something to get me off the sofa.  PLEEEEASE!  I think it is more out of guilt for being gone so much, occupied, tired, short tempered.  I hope it works.  If that doesn't, I gave up yelling at my kids for lent.  There might be hope if they gave up ignoring me.

One of my new employees told me he is going to find me on a therapists couch one of these days.  He has known me all of 24 hours and yet recognizes that 3 kids, a full time job, volunteer work and horses is too much for one woman.  Add in a puppy and burning desire to chronicle my life at every juncture, and I am just perpetually sapped.  Or is it a sap.  I forget.  Either way, say a prayer for me and my sanity.